SCARED OF MY DOOR V2.0

ANXIETY! It’s such a suffocating feeling.. right now I’m feeling this suffocating feeling in fact.

In the many years of being diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder, I’ve not really found anxiety to be one of the top pains that I’ve had to deal with. Not at this level anyway. It is more tied in with my most recent diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (or in short C-PTSD). Which is caused by repetitive trauma, usually first stemming from childhood.

I feel like the world has inflicted so much pain upon me for so long, that I’m now too afraid to face the risk of it harming me more or that I will unknowingly self destruct again or trying so hard not to screw something up but fumbling instead.

I probably shouldn’t be writing this post in hindsight as I am meant to be somewhere else but I’m hoping that it can be used as more of a coping mechanism rather than an excuse and I don’t just procrastinate and or panic my way out of doing a simple task this morning.

*Looks at the clock*….scratch that, I gotta roll. Maybe I can use it as a coping mechanism when I’ve been able to allow myself a little more time. Practice makes perfect, you can do this (she tells myself hesitantly haha)

When I need to leave the house, sometimes I find it helpful to

  1. I get frazzled and run in circles and forget things. Often I have to run back inside to get things. Sometimes I grab unnecessary items ‘just incase’ or to ‘fit more in’ so I’ve created a checklist for near the doors with all necessary items.
  2. Sometimes I have to catch a very brief moment of confidence. It can be slippery sometimes!
  3. Stop what I’m doing swiftly or immediately and recognise that you’re being counterproductive.
  4. I find verbally coaching myself actually helps. With comments like “Your door isn’t THAT scary”, “you know you’ll be absolutely fine when you leave the house” or “Come on, you’ve done it before, you can do it again!” If you feel uncomfortable voicing it to yourself then just think these encouraging thoughts.
  5. Jump up out of your chair, couch, bed, whatever location you’ve found yourself paralyzed in, with your head and shoulders lifed, rather than getting up and slumping depressingly. You’ll more than likely be lying to yourself at this point but this is how you begin changing the way you respond….
  6. AND THEN YOU RUUUUN! Grab the moment of confidence and get out of that door and into the car.
  7. Stop and take a minute to take a biiiiig deep breath in before you drive off, hold it for a few seconds… and release. You’ve got this!

GOT ANY TIPS YOURSELF? I ENCOURAGE YOU TO LEAVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS SECTON!! I’M ALL EARS ON HOW TO MANAGE ANXIETY AND I’M SURE OTHER READERS CAN BENIFIT TOO.

I will continue talking so more on anxiety a little later this afternoon, AFTER I’ve faced some fears! Wish me luck!

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