People too often try stay together/make it work for the kids. Whether it be the children find comfort in the chaos, maybe it’s just to keep the “peace” that biiiit longer, to prolong the initially uncomfortable negotiations that are required after seperating. You may feel that by portraying a “together, stable normal family”, you are setting a good example, this may certainly be your intent. HOWEVER… never underestimate a child’s ability to pick up on things or to absorb their surrounding situation. They listen to more than adults think they do, their minds like sponges and unhealthy behavioral patterns are what these fresh brains are configured with as time goes on.
It can become a nasty cycle when the long term effects are not often taken into account or counteracted appropriately. The psychological impact changes our brain physically! Tha’t’s right – Physically!!!! The building blocks of our brain are shifted during the most important stages of it’s development. Long term exposure literally shapes and affects children’s emotions, behaviour, coping methods, memory and learning capacity.
I didn’t realise how crippling my complex trauma issues had become in my day to day life and how many layers of trauma I live with/had surpressed. Not until a couple of more major, life shifting events had occured over the last couple of years. Either an additional layer of was trauma or where I was re-traumatized by being in similar or triggering circumstances. Becoming self aware of what or symptoms is helping me gain a little more control when trauma takes the wheel out of nowhere. I won’t go into the ins and outs of why or the scientific mumbo jumbo myself. This visual below covers the fundamentals pretty well…
Being a parent hasn’t taught me this, I’ve don’t have children myself yet. This is coming from someone with complex trauma issues beginning from early childhood and who is putting in hard yards to work through those issues. So, trust me when I say all the conflict and drama isn’t worth the wellbeing and futures of your children. Temporary bandaids and failing to personally develop from your own experiences aren’t healing anything.
Rewiring a child’s mind is A LOT easier than repairing an already damaged mind of an adult. Two homes can be a lot healthier than one dysfunctional and forced one and next time you find yourself relaying the shame sh*t in yet another argument, keep this in mind;